Something I'd like to share

~Job 1:21 'the Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.'


As most of you know, I was 12 weeks pregnant just last week. I was just about in the "safe zone" as far as miscarriages go, but that did not end up being the case for me. I lost my precious 12 week, unborn baby.


It all started Friday, June 4th. The day we moved to Los Alamos. Coincidence? I don't know. We don't have any answers as to why this happened, except that this baby was just not meant to be here with us, in this life. Not an easy thing to comprehend. June 5th, I saw my tiny baby on the ultrasound screen, with a beating heart. A strong beating heart. I felt relieved, but at the same time I still felt sadness. Somehow I knew, in my heart, what was going to happen with this baby. I had 4 days to prepare myself for the news. A long, painful, emotional 4 days. June 9th...no heartbeat. Sadness fell upon me again. And it fell on Ryan as well. All the emotions hit me one by one. Anger, jealousy, sadness, asking "why me," or what if I did this instead of that. It's something that is so hard to understand, but I know that someday I will.


As I sat there last week dealing with my emotions and all the pain as well, (there was quite a bit of physical pain) I was hit pretty hard with one realization....I have one beautiful baby right in front of me. One little miracle named Grey..... That I was ignoring, because I was dwelling on something I couldn't have. I know it will take time for me to deal with this loss, but I will NOT let it get in the way of me being a great mother to Grey. She is here now and she needs me.


We will have more babies. We can't wait for the day when we do. It will just be a longer road for us. That's ok.


I am so grateful for my family and friends that kept us in their thoughts and prayers. We are so blessed to have so many people that love us. We love you all!